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2000-06-03 - 07:40:38 am
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Conflict makes me physically sick
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•Saturday•
Its all a part of that warm feeling that comes over me when I feel depressed. Wierd that I'm up this early. I'm going to church. Haven't been since I got here. Kat had someone call me last night to invite me. I'm not even sure what I should do when I see her. Treat her like my sister or a stranger? Right now she's more of a stranger than anything else. Not just a stranger ... but one I don't like. Bryan said he's out. He said that even if things are sorted out, he doesn't know if he could trust Kat again. I don't blame him. I don't think I can trust her anymore. This isn't the first time something's like this has happened but I mean she's my sister and I try to forget about shit that she's done. I forgive her. I really do. But think the bond's definitely brokem now. I told her that the other day. I told her that it's sad we can't talk to each other about anything. Sad that I can't trust her more. I don't think we'll ever have what we had when we were kids.I wish for once I could have a totally happy entry in my diaries. Just babling on about stuff that doesn't even matter. Sick of always having issues. Sick of being sad all the time. My body's already gotten tired of crying. I cant cry like I'd like to anymore. Its like I've wasted most of my tears.
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