I'm thinking I should give my laptop up for adoption. I'm not providing her with the love she needs. I'm sure someone else can provide a better home for her. *sigh* I love her ... I'm just not ready. I'm an unfit parent.
I was thinking that when I took her out of my backpack when I got home.

Today wasn't bad. Why do people always seem to talk to me when I feel ... blah. Like if my nose is leaking ... or have a headache ... or just pretty much feel like hell and look twice as bad. I was sitting there at the White Plains station, waiting for the train, totally enjoying the cool weather ... (50° ... *sigh* I love fall!) ... blowing my nose ... trying not to get any on me and this guy walks up and asks if the next train is local or express. And I'm thinking, "Dude, could you ask someone who's a little less disgusting right now?"

He was a pretty nice guy though. He sat next to me (while I'm trying to stop my nose from leaking) and we chatted until the train came. It was express and he was taking a local. Strangers sometimes seems to like telling me things. Possibly things they wouldn't really tell other people. He was telling me that he lost friends in the World Trade Center attack. That was sad. He looked straight ahead and just spoke. I stared at him and took it all in. He asked what I do and when I said 'graphic design' he started telling me about some work he wants done. His name's Tony and he gave me his card. He had an accent so sometimes it was a little hard understanding him. I didn't have any cards on me. I don't have any cards printed, actually ... but I wrote my number on the back of one of his and gave it to him. The train came soon after and he shook my hand and we both said how nice it was to meet each other.

When things like that happen ... I realize that I'm not totally unapproachable. That I can make friends with people. Offline. Then why is it most people prefer to stare as if I'm a total circus freak? Humans baffle me.

I got back into the city and rushed to Keri's office. Someone was still on her floor and I left the drawings with the girl who was still there. I'll call this other girl Keri introduced me to in the morning to make sure she got 'em ok. That was pretty much it. I headed home. I was gonna call Rudy ... but he sorta pissed me off last night. I told him I called him while I was in the city and he's pulling the ..."well it didn't show 'missed call' on my phone" ...thing. What made it worse was when he typed, "Just say you didn't call. It's no big deal." Yes it is a big deal. I hate being called a lier. Sometimes people don't realize how big a deal that is. I'm not saying I've never lied ... but it's not a habit I'm into. Least of all for petty things like that. I don't like people doing that to me and I told him so.

Y'know what's kinda fun? 'Skating' around people at Grand Central. More like gliding I guess. The floor's perfect for it! Could be the next cool sport. Never know hehe. I also realized tonight how much eyelashes can suck. Sometimes I feel like taking a pair of scissors and cutting them off. I seriously wanted to when i was younger. My eyelashes seem to be too long or something. Like the frickin Snufflufagus (I totally did not spell that right) ... from Sesame Street. There's always a loose lash in my eye. And they seem to love my contacts. Sometimes they go in my eye and manage to get between my eyeball and the lens.

Fun.

I also noticed that my autoflirt switch is hard to turn off. Sometimes I catch myself flirting and I think, "What are you doing? You're flirting! Quit!" Rubbing my neck. Playing with my thumb ring. Wetting my lips. Pouting them. And my eyes sometimes do this sorta flare thing that sometimes I can't even seem to control. I'm weird. My body's weird. But yah ... the autoflirt switch is hard to turn off.

Like on the bus coming home. There was this cute blond guy a couple seats ahead of me. When I got on the bus ... our eyes met. But it's no big deal. Your eyes meet with just about everybody else's when you get on a bus. But then when I was getting off ... he got up and was standing right behind me. When the bus stopped ... he fell forward a little and I felt his 'aura' I guess. Hell if I know. That and then his jacket or arm or something brushed against me. And with my recent intake of large doses of Tori Amos and my vacation from people (mainly men) ... I was just like ... Blah. I ignored it and got off the bus. Crossed the street and soon after ... blondie crossed the street too. We live ... in the same ... building! And now that I think about it ... I think he lives on the first floor. I might've seen him before. People in this building are not all that friendly though. Except for the woman who's scared the shit out of me a couple times. She sits on the stairs on the 4th floor and smokes. She's smiles and says hi. I don't take the elevator unless I'm dead tired or going down to the basement. I figure that's the only way I'd get exercise.

I should practice my blading tomorrow.

I got my score back from Diary Reviews. I can't believe I got a perfect score. I was joking around in my blogs with a thank you speech hehe. The girl who reviewed me, Nicole is pretty cool. We chatted on AIM for a while. Lately I've met some kick-ass people online. Sucks that they all live far away though.