What if we had the ability to choose a personal hell if we had to? Well today I flicked through the brochure and out of everything else ... from the 'have a huge zit on your nose and come face to face with the cutest guy on the subway' to the 'having diarrhea on a crowed train that gets held up 6 stops away from your house' ... .I chose the 'carry a big-ass bag around at rush hour on a Friday afternoon with very little natural physical strength'.

Mmm hmm ...

5' 7" ... 114 pounds of me with a big-ass bag and heavy-ass backpack pushing my way through a crowded subway and store-gawkers on the sidewalk. That was like an hour ago. My hands still hurt. My feet hurt ... hmm ... I think my hair hurts too hehe. I swear ... I'm never doing anything ... like that ... again ... ever! I only packed a travel bag because of my blades. I really wanna go blading this weekend. The weather's supposed to be incredible. It was great today. Sort of a prelude to what's ahead. I don't like summers. Not here in New York. I mean ... I've only experienced one (last year) ... and that was enough to convince me. Actually, this year might not be so bad.

I thought I was gonna go insane last summer. Bryan didn't have an AC and I was about ready to strip and sleep on the sidewalk. And that was Brooklyn. Manhattan is amazingly hot and just humid. This stifling heat that keeps taunting you. Sure you can stay in an air-conditioned building most of the time. But .... you'll have to come out sooner or later. And when you do .... the reality slaps you so much harder.

Anyway .... I totally strayed off topic there. I came in around 1 or so and went to Eric's office to meet Norm. Amber still wasn't at the apartment. Norm suggested that I go over to NYU and look at the bulletin board for roommate listings or so. I left my stuff there at the office and headed to NYU. I'm a dope. I always get nervous around kids my age for some reason and do something embarrassing. It's almost like a medical condition.

"With my luck, I'll trip in my boots or something," I thought.

Like Kirstie Alley. Yeah ... just like her. Y'know how in a lot of her movies she's all sexy 'n stuff ... then she tries to walk or something and trips? You would just see her head do this sort of ... 'muppet'-type bounce and her hair as she goes down.

I didn't fall though. And I didn't walk into anyone. And I didn't have some security guard yell at me and ask me for my student ID. In fact ... I asked the guy at the front desk where the bulletin board was. He said they're having renovations done so they took it down. Then he pointed to some doors and said if I went in there ... they might have the bulletins on a desk or something.

Ever been in a situation where you could sense danger but you find yourself walking into it anyway and everything's happening in slow motion? My boots became heavier and my steps slowed down. I saw ... people. People my age. It's like that ad for Paxil. Y'know ... that drug for people with social anxiety disorder. Everything around me slowed down. It was the cafeteria or something. I skimmed the desk and saw nothing. I suddenly felt incredibly nervous so I walked over to the fridge, took out a bottle of Sprite and walked up to the counter. For a second I expected them to say "Students only!!" when I paid for it. But ... of course ... I came back to the real world.

I went back to Eric's office and got my stuff. I wanted to take a cab to the apartment. Two things stopped me .... barely having any money and the fact that I've never had to hail a cab on my own. Other people always do that .... I just jump in and then back out. *sigh* I've been way too sheltered.