Everything's set in. It's Christmas Eve. It's hit. Hard. I have 37 dollars. That's it. I feel shitty. I really do. I thought of a great gift for Ross and I can't even get it. Tomorrow I have no plans. I've had a pity invitation from Eric to hang out and catch a movie. I might just stay home. I'd love to see Amber again though.

I saw 'Lord Of The Rings' last night with Ross. Awesome movie. I've never read the books. Now I have to. It was so much better than I expected. Some very beautiful scenes. Great special effects. Merry and Pippin were funny of course. And Legolas. He was so beautiful and graceful. I want to be an elf. Ross and I joked about the elves they encountered in the forest.

"Are those the gayest elves?" Ross whispered.

"They're the Chelsea elves."

Funny because that's where we saw the movie. At Clearview in Chelsea. I cried for a couple scenes. Glad theaters are dark so Ross didn't see.

We met up around 3. He got online soon after getting back from his parents' and we made plans. I took forever to get ready. I swear, I hated all my clothes. It's weird the way I'd get dressed. Hate what I'm wearing. Change. Hate that. Change again. Pretty much throw a tantrum and toss clothes from my closet 'Joan Crawford'-style. Try more stuff on. Go back to what I had on in the first place. Look in the mirror. Like it. And wonder what the whole big deal was.

Damn low self-esteem.

I got off the bus outside Port Authority, Ross showed up two seconds later. Sneaking up behind me. He's good at that. We didn't really have any definite plans. So he took me to Tiffany's to show me some furniture he worked on. He does really beautiful work. Getting to Tiffany's and getting inside was a nightmare. Everyone in the whole frickin city and possibly New Jersey and Connecticut was out shopping. No bigger reason needed to hate the holidays.

Left there and walked over to Central Park. I brought up that thing he said that I kept thinking about and he made it clear that he was just joking. I was glad. We talked and strolled through the park then got something to eat. Talked some more and then saw 'Lord of the Rings'. I want to see the Scooby movie. Isn't it sort ironic that Sarah Michelle Gellar's in it and on 'Buffy' ... they call the group the 'Scooby Squad.' After the movie, we walked around and talked some more. We talk a lot. Seriously. We talked about the concept of the ring and whether we would fall to the ring's power or not. I don't feel I'd fall to the power. I'm like Frodo. Ruling the world and enslaving all of mankind just doesn't appeal to me.