•Saturday•I haven't left my apartment since Wednesday. Haven't even opened opened my front door. Hell ... haven't even walked to the front door. No real reason to. I worked on web banners for Mark yesterday. Listening to music and thinking what I'll do with the money. I'm thinking minidisc player finally. But I'm not sure if I can pull myself out of the pre-guilt to actually get it. I really do want one though.
I see personal ads all the time from people who offer sexual services for money. They're not bad people. They just want to pay the rent. And I can relate. I really can. And I've had offers from men. Men who would pay just to have me stand naked in front of them while they masturbate. And they're not bad people. Sometimes I think I should just say ok. Just do it. Do it and never ask Norm for another cent again. With the Internet, you don't even need to walk the street to be a prostitute. Mark works during the day. I have the whole apartment to myself. Instead of touching myself, I can easily touch someone else at a price. But ... I can't. I can't seem to bring myself to that no matter how bad things are. And things are often bad.
