Another one. A dream. This one was really weird. It started out in some crumby apartment in the city. One I've never been to or even seen. I was living with this Puerto Rican family. This woman and her young daughter I think. The woman was very manipulative. Once she invited her older daughter and her boyfriend over for dinner. She said she just wanted them to come. It was summer. I remember being next to the window and seeing the girl and her boyfriend walk up the front steps of the house. She was very pretty. I heard sirens. The sirens were actually real and I knew that they were right outside my window but they filtered into the dream.

They got inside and the woman confessed that she didn't even cook dinner. I never said anything to them. Its as if I wasn't even there. That they couldn't see me. They argued. The girl storm out of the room saying she was taking the rest of her stuff. The boyfriend just stood there awkwardly. Then suddenly ... more people were there. Tenshi was there. So was Ricky and someone was with him. The person handed me a large picture of Ricky. He had a fake beard on and was dressed sorta like a pirate. It had writing on the top of the picture. I tried to read what it was. I squinted .... but I couldn't read it. Strangly ... the letters were all big enough and very much legible.

I continued staring at the picture. Running my fingers over it. I was suddenly illiterate. The words were as clear as day and I couldn't read them. I smiled at Ricky. Then I was back in the Caribbean. Still holding the picture. I was back in this house where I lived once. My mom and sister were there. Someone else was there too but I have no idea who it was. I'd never seen her before. When I looked at her though .... everything around her was different. Like the way things were in that New York apartment .... but when I looked away from her ... I saw the house I lived in once in the Caribbean.

My mom had a gun. She didn't seem depressed or anything but she took the gun and shot herself in the head. She didn't bleed. She didn't die. This clear gel-like liquid came out of her nose a little. Sorta like snot but it wasn't. I dunno.

I was in shock. My eyes went wide open. I was wearing my glasses and my jammies with my gray zippered sweat top. She picked the gun up again and did it again. Right in her head. I screamed but I couldn't move. I yelled at my sister and the other girl to do something. The girl laugh and my sister just stood there.

My mom picked up the gun again. By now she was laughing and more of that clear stuff oozed out of her. I screamed at her and looked over at my sister and the other girl. They had this weird look in their eyes. I couldn't move at first. It was as if I had invisible ropes tied around me. I moved a little and I guess they broke. I wasn't wearing my jammies anymore. I wore one of my small white tees, blue cargos and my sneakers. I pushed my mom to try and knock the gun away from her. We fell through an open window into the front yard.

She bled a little now. She was on her stomach trying to reach the gun. I was on top of her trying to pull her away. I wasn't strong enough but I managed to hold her off and I grabbed the gun. The minute I had my hand in the air to throw it away ... she grabbed it. That's when I started crying. I was tired. I had no strength left to fight her. I cried harder and told her that this third time would kill her. I walked away and stood on the porch right in front of the front door. I told her that I loved her and that I didn't want her to die. I begged her.

I leaned my back to the door and suddenly she was on her knees in front of me crying. I held her and we both cried. That's about the time I woke up. That was a little over 30 minutes ago.

My mom is really back in the Caribbean. Last night I saw my grand parents online. I never really see them online.

"hi?" I messaged them.

I felt bad because I haven't called them in a while and I was actually gonna call them tomorrow.

"this is ur mother"

"how did you ..."

"i'm in the caribbean"

".... oh"

Then she went on to tell me that she wants me to come back there in May. For a week she said. My stomach started doing flips and I could feel myself being pulled back under their control.

"i'm not going back there without a reason."

"i'll give you a reason. later"