Sometimes I swear I wish I could just ... violently shake my friend Edi and make him see what he's supposed to see. The kid has such a promising future. Does he try to see that he does? Nooooo. I can't reach him anymore. I've known him for probably 2 years now. One of the first people I met online. And one of the sweetest. Really. He's one of those people who's so genuine y'know. They can't help it. I know if we ever.... when we meet we'll be great friends. I mean ... we're already great friends. He lives in Toronto and we promised when we first met that we'd hang out in New York City someday.

Hanging out and flirting up a storm. Flirt and shop. Flirt while we shop. That's another thing we have in common ... we both love shopping. And he has incredible taste. We're a lot alike. He's kinda like me 2 years ago. Minus the experience I have with guys. Edi's a virgin virgin. Virgin to the 2nd power. Not like me. I'm just ... virgin. Actually ... more like 'virgin+' or 'virgin, dot dot dot'. But we're not talking about me here.

Its that greeness about Edi that I also love. I sometimes envy that about him too. Its also that greeness that lets him get hurt. We used to argue because he's convinced that he needs a boyfriend to be happy. I'd spend nights chatting with him and trying to get him out of thinking like that.

"Men are jerks Edi," I'd scold. "You don't need a man to be happy."

"Yeah but I know if I had a boyfriend I'd be happier than I am now, Pony," he'd explain.

Edi's one of the smartest people I know and its sad to see the desire to be paired pulls him down like a weight sometimes. He's the kind of person I'd want to suffer for. Feel his pain so he wouldn't have to. I'd do that with a lot of people I know. Because I know I can take it.

I just get so frustrated with him sometimes when he's beating himself down. I mean ... if you don't love yourself ... who should? And I say that not being totally mended. Sure I beat myself down too. But its like that saying "chef's don't eat what they cook". Hehehe I dunno where I heard that from ... but I heard it somewhere ok. It doesn't matter if I do it ... Edi shouldn't. He's too beautiful a person for that y'know. I mean .. I could go on and on about how great he is. I just wish ... I just wish he saw that y'know.

Why is it people never see what others do? You look in the mirror and all you see is how ugly your are. Or how fat. Or how worthless. Or that big-ass zit on your nose hehe. But the person on the other side of that glass sees what you don't. The beautiful creature that radiates promise.