I went to see Ellen Degeneres last night. Now I have a headache and feel like I'm about to throw up. Ellen was good. I've never seen anyone live so it was really cool. I was cracking up. She did some material I'd heard before. But just seeing her while she told it had me laughing like a maniac. There were three people in front of me who didn't seem to laugh at all. I wondered what was the point of buying the tickets then if they have no sense of humor. Like seriously not laughing. I don't know if they felt ill or something. It was odd. Their bodies showed no sign of enjoyment.

I thought I would've had trouble getting the ticket. It was reserved for Eric so I had to call Avery Fischer Hall to sort that out. They said all Eric had to do was send a copy of ID. When I got there, they didn't even ask. I stepped up to the box office and the tickets were just handed over with a smile. I'd been drinking water during the whole show. My bladder was screaming at me when Ellen came back on stage and asked if there was anything we'd wanted to hear that she didn't do. Laughing while really wanting to pee ... not a good idea. I bolted for the bathroom first chance I got.

I went over to Husani's office after and we decided to go drinking. We walked over to Phoenix. Husani didn't have ID so we actually went to Jersey to get it. Got back into the city and went right back to Phoenix. Merely out of revenge. Walking to the bar, laughing at the way we'll slap his ID in the bouncer's face. He was actually nice about it and said he'd felt bad he didn't let us both in before.

Apparently, Wednesday nights mean very cheap beer at Phoenix. Dollar a pint. My glass was half empty before Husani really started on his. Flirting glances between a few guys. A hand lingering too long around me when I bumped into someone while walking to the bathroom. Husani and I pointing out certain guys for a laugh. The room was thick with smoke and I needed air. There's always that catch 22 with alcohol and I'm guessing drugs as well. You're giggly at first with the buzz. Then you feel numb. Then you feel everything at once while still numb. There were a couple girls outside. I complimented one on her shoes. Then she looked across from where we were and said, "Now that's passion. I want that sort of passion."

I looked over and saw two guys making out. "I want that too. Why don't we have that?" I turned back to the girl. "I mean ...we're young. We should have that."

The make-out couple and the girls quickly faded and I stood there alone. Thinking about the need ...want ...desperation ...whatever for passion. And that's about the time the filler stepped in. Filler who walked towards me eating potato chips. Filler who stopped and asked me if it was any good inside. He had crumbs on his face and I brushed it off for him. Filler had a name. Danny. And Danny took the time to turn back and tell I looked really cute when I smiled. That was all I needed actually. I could've left right then. Maybe I should've. I went back in and Husani and I had more beer. And then Danny, sitting close to us bought us another pint. My eyes had trouble focusing but I foolishly chugged anyway.

Husani and I got ready to leave. I went over to Danny and told him thanks for the drinks. We weren't outside for long before the door opened and Danny appeared. I got excited when I saw him and thought of this as my chance at passion. Why should everyone else have all the fun? We pretty much staggered to the subway. Grabbing Danny's hand, dragging him across the street. Dragging him to where though? Had I already planned on taking him home with me? I doubt it. Nothing was exactly planned. Not on my part anyway. All I wanted was passion. And I had that already when we kissed outside Phoenix when Husani had to go back to use the bathroom.

When Husani got off at his stop and Danny was still with me, I knew that we'd either stand in Times Square and make out before I got a bus to Jersey or ...he was getting on the bus with me. We stood waiting for a bus. Danny, smiling and laughing at pretty much everything. I mirrored him. He asked about taking a cab. I told him the fare's like 30 bucks. Didn't matter to him. We kissed sleepily on the way to my apartment. We pretty much collapsed into bed. Kissing, running our hands over each other. Too drunk and too tired to do anything else. We fell asleep in no time. Danny's arm around me.

I woke up probably a half hour before my alarm went off. It felt good having him there somehow. Maybe just feeling desired. That's always good. Roaming hands and smiles were interrupted when Danny realized he didn't have his Debit card (which I saw when we were in the cab home.)

"I'm such a loser," he said. Taking his jeans off and pulling the pockets inside out. "I can't believe I lost my ATM card. Such a fuckin' loser."

I felt really bad but at the same time, his Boston accent came out strong and I found it really endearing. Poor guy. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and packed my bag. He took out his cell phone and called a friend, asking him to reach the bank. He strutted around in his underwear. My first thought, Where's Mark?. By some strange coincidence, all the times I've had people sleep over Mark wasn't around. This time was no exception.

I sat on the bed feeling helpless as Danny dug into his back pockets.

"You're not a loser," was all I could say.

He looked at me, smiled, dropped his jeans and came over to me. I bit my bottom lip and smiled. We kissed and he tugged at my boxer briefs. We kissed some more and made out for a while. I sat on his legs while he stroked his cock and came on his stomach. I was turned on but wasn't in the mood to come. We got dressed, had some juice and caught a bus back to the city. We both said that we'll probably never see each other again. He's rehearsing in Connecticut and it didn't make sense to make the night out to something it wasn't. I liked him though and gave him my number.