Sometimes we hold people in this ...memory. Or fantasy. Or something. Whatever it is though ... it's not safe and probably not too healthy. But we all do it. Not obsessive or anything. Just ... I don't know.

Freeze-frame ...sorta. If you went out with someone and had a great time, you freeze that memory until you see them again. That's why you want to see them again. Because of that memory. And the next time you see them -maybe a week later-... you somewhat expect that you'll have an awesome time like you did before. When you don't ...you feel disappointed. Even just a little. Or maybe it's just me.

And even say ... that week turns into a month or a year, you still pick that frozen memory when you think about that person. Or maybe a montage of little memories. The same thing happens on the other side of the coin. You had an awful time with someone and that's the memory you freeze. Whatever sticks out more. Or whatever you want to stick out more. It's all controlled.

I think some times of my best friend in seventh grade. Kris. Most of the memories I froze were great ones. Sleep overs, hikes, going to the beach, playing with Lego. Some of those memories I still have frozen. I saw him a couple years ago and ...it wasn't the same. The closeness enclosed in the frozen memories ...didn't match us. And we tripped over awkward silence. We emailed a few times and lost touch. Some of those frozen memories, cracked and discarded. Some are still well preserved. But why?

Saw Star Wars: Episode II on Sunday with Ross. I liked it. I hadn't seen him in a while so it was good being around him. Yoda kicked serious ass. The rest of the movie lagged. Especially Anakin and Padmin. I don't see the big deal with Hayden Christensen. I've heard people raving about how hot he is. Maybe I just focused on his role as Anakin and what a total brat he was. He was annoying as hell. Ewan McGregor on the other hand ...I've always liked him. He's normal cute. I like normal cute guys.

I went home right after the movie. Ross walked me to the bus. He'd already surprised me with a full kiss on the lips when we met and tried again before I got on the bus. I moved my head and his lips brushed my cheek. Ross isn't ready to just kiss and not get pulled under by emotion. Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever be ready. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be ready to open up.