I know I've asked this time and time again .... but why are guys such jerks? Or should I say *says it in his fake Jersey accent* joiks?

I'm crossing the street this afternoon and this guy in his car ..... stares at me hard enough for me to feel him break through his window and fuck me right there on the sidewalk. A sleezy look too. So I look hot in the jeans I wore .... so what!

I'm just glad I'm not a girl. Seriously .... they must feel even more violated.

Noel was online earlier. I said hi to him. Nothing *eyes flare*. That's what I get for not putting out. For not ripping his clothes off and bouncing on his lap that time in Union Square.

Asshole.

I deleted him from my Yahoo Messenger. If I was really evil I'd post his nick on here and let all you guys harass him. *sigh* I use my powers for good now.

*listens to Charlotte Church to calm down*

I'm honestly tired of men. Maybe I should start dating outside my species. Wait ... I was doing that with half the jerks when I went out with 'em.

*falls on the couch and looks up at the ceiling*

I feel like Ally Mcbeal and just as thin. I mean ... she's cute. Very cute .... yet she can't seem to meet any decent guys. Is it too much to ask for? Is it? Just a decent guy. Ok ok .. halfway decent then ......... Quarter decent? *pulls a pillow over his face and sighs*

*mumbles through the pillow* Uh mean ... Um goodlooking ... Whuh can't uh find a decent guh?

*takes the pillow off*

I just don't get it. I've honestly quit looking but Noel's ignoring me and it makes me feel bad. Like I'm a slut for NOT sleeping with him. Like ... a reverse slut or something. I dunno.

I actually let Normie see some of my diary today. I mean .. technically she's still my shrink. I just talk to her if I feel sad or anything when I see her or update her with my feelings.

I got an email from Kat today. Right when Normie was there. I always have my Yahoo! Messenger on at the office. It tells me when I have new mail, the sender and the subject, so I knew. Normie was sitting across the desk.

"I just got an email from my sister."

"Really? What'd she say?" she was sorta surprised and smiling.

"Dunno .... haven't read it yet."

"Well ... open it."

"In a while. I wanna finish formatting this page." I was working on her book layout at the time.

Getting email from Kat depresses me. I immediately have a flashback of everything that happened. My mind speeds through my long walks out to the salt marsh. Crying. Feeling her hands around my throat. Looking up at my mom crying. Me .... going cold inside and not being able to cry. Not wanting to get out of bed. *closes his eyes and shakes his head*

I try not to even think about them too often other than when I pray after waking up and just before going to bed. Praying that she learned from the experience and for God to just protect her and my mom. Everyone else in my life too of course.

I read the email outloud a while after. She hasn't learned from the experience. Its more evident in every email she sends. I'm just trying to get on with my life though and so far its going great.

A while ago the pastor from the church I go to sometimes called. Its pretty much just a West Indian church. I hate that. There's no diversity. After living in the West Indies pretty much all my life ... I've had enough of them. Sorry.

The talk wasn't bad. ........ That is ... until he said "Miss". My eyes flared. I actually gave them my number 2 Saturdays ago. With my name. Meaning .... he didn't even remember who I was. I basically lied then. Early in the call ... he said he was glad to see me that Saturday and all the good stuff. Anyway .... him calling me "Miss" wasn't bad enough but he called me like 3, 4, 5 different names during the rest of the phonecall. Hate when people do that.

Right now ... I'm sorta tired and cranky. Ro pissed me off earlier too. Bryan told her to do the dishes before he left to drop Marie at work. The minute the door closed she walked over to me.

"Aaaaaangel Boi?"

"Yah?" I went 'Valley blonde' at that moment.

"Can you do the dishes for me?"

"Bryan told YOU to do them."

"I know ... but the last time you did them for me anyway."

Cuz I'm a moron.

"Yes I did ... I was feeling nice. I don't feel that way tonight."

"Pleeeeeeeze???"

"No."

She then went over and practically broke the dishes while washing 'em. Just cuz she was pissed. Tough. Then she realizes that the rack is full and her hands are now all wet and soapy.

"Angel? Can you just put these up for me? My hands are soapy."

I'm TIRED! I had a very long week and then noel just sorta pissed me off.

"No."

"Pleeeeeze? My hands are soapy."

"Wash them."

"Ugh ... you're so mean."

Brat!!

She'll get over it. She always does. All I have to do is tell Bryan "I'll be right back ... I'm going to the mall". I'll suddenly be her best friend again so she could go. I'm soooo never getting kids out of fear that they'll be brats or like that weird kid downstairs. She's 7 and already a bitch. I'm sorry ... its true though.

Ever had one of those really quiet kids around you. They just stare at you. They never say "Hi" or "Good Morning" or whatever. They just stare. She's like that. And she's short. Everytime I come home she's looking out the window just when I close the gate.

I'm not ashamed to say I don't like her. In fact .... I'd like to smack her around. Nothing that would lead to a concussion. Just a couple bitch-slaps or so. I just don't like spoilt kids. Those and evil short 7 year olds.

I should get a vasectamy. I mean ... I'm gay but hey ... can't be too careful. Modern science is messed up. I'd hate to be the first guy pregnant from swallowing after oral sex or something. Plus .... the guy would turn out to be a jerk, split and I'd have to track him down and kill him.