My headache's gone. I took a nap earlier. Around 6. I just got up. I barely ate anything today. Corn Pops when I got up this morning. Grape juice ... grape juice .... and more grape juice. A cinnamon-raisin bagel. More grape juice. I just couldn't really eat.

Ever watched tv or so and saw someone all sad over a man? Sad and crying. Crying in the midst of crumpled used Kleenex. Or eating everything in sight like an escaped convict. Ever said that that would never happen to you? Ever said you're stronger than that? Ever said you wouldn't let someone hurt you like that?

..... I have.

Ricky didn't hurt me exactly. I dunno what's going on right now. I do know that I miss him though. No 'Ricky-Mail' this morning ... and his diary's locked. *sigh* .... I dunno.

I left the apartment for the first time since Thursday to go to Duane Reade for dishwasher detergent. I wasn't gonna leave at all but I was fast running out of clean dishes. Everything that happened last night just swirled around in my head and I felt my eyes water every now and then as I looked down at the ground as I walked. Crystal spheres and clear wavey lines. Tears that I wouldn't allow to fall. I felt so up in the air. I still sorta feel that way.