I went into the city today. I had to pick up the Zip drive from Eric's office. The Zip drive that I can't get to work on this laptop. I've grown to hate this laptop over the 24 plus hours I've had it. And the feeling seems perfectly mutual. I managed to install Photoshop and Illustrator on here though. Which means pretty much nothing since I can't get the Zip drive to work and the backup of the project I have to get done is on a Zip disk. I am beyond frustrated.

After I got the drive, I figured I'd stay in the city a while. I went to Union Square, got a latte and a rice crispies treat, sat in the square and people-watched as I sipped my coffee. The weather was nice and I felt in a good place even as I was being ambushed by squirrels. I watched some boys play soccer and felt this guy looking at me as he sat not far from me, talking on his cell phone. He reminded me of Aaron and it made me sad. I left soon after.

Ross was right, Circuit City kinda sucked. I didn't see any iBooks on display anyway. I headed over to COMPUSA. Took a while to get to Grand Central. Trains running weird because of construction and then we were delayed for about 20 minutes or so because of a police investigation. When I got off the train and went up the steps, two cops had some guy handcuffed and up against the wall.

The more I ran my fingers over the white keyboard and trackpad of the iBook, the more my eyes lit up. The more my eyes lit up, the more I wanted it. Wanted/want. Everything about the iBook is what I want. They had Virtual PC on a Powerbook so I got to play around with it. It's amazing. Having Windows 98 running right there on Mac. It was a bit slow but just what I'd need. I was totally sold when I asked to watch a DVD on the iBook. Crystal clear display and great sound. I beamed thinking of all the DVDs I'd want to get later on. I beamed thinking about having my very own iBook.

I felt a little sad though. There was this guy there probably around my age. He was with an older woman and they were looking at the iBooks as well. They asked one of the tech guys lots of questions. They obviously had money and were probably walking out with a new notebook and accessories. Listening to the young blond guy go on about not really needing the computer for anything too serious. "Surf the Web, stuff like that. All my other laptops, after about a year the screen blows up." It's just hard not feeling jealousy hit at a time like that. When he's picking a new computer for mainly play when I needed one for work. He looked over at me a lot and our eyes met. Each time they met, I felt worse and quickly looked away. I took some literature and came home.

I feel myself falling into a bad mood. I'm already pretty much there. I think too mch sometimes and I did a lot of thinking walking from seeing '40 Days and 40 Nights'. The movie was good. I sorta hate seeing movies at theaters in my neighborhood though. People never shut up and it drives me crazy. 40 days of abstinance??? can't be that hard. I've gone longer without doing anything sexual. Most times I masturbate, is not even because I'm horny. It's out of boredom.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot of what'll happen when I have to go back to the Caribbean. I just know that the time's getting closer. I try to tell myself that it won't be as bad as I think. But, it will be. It's going to be bad. As alone as I am now, it's nothing compared to what I'll be when I go back. That summer I went back was bad enough but at least Risa was there. Now she's in college in Missouri. There's no way around it though. Not really anyway. Everyone's like, "Just stay. INS isn't looking for you or anything. Do you know how many illegal immigrants are in the country?" I don't know but I don't want to be one of them.