"He's 45 ... you're 21. Its pathetic." .... is almost an exact quote from Norm about Bryan asking me for the loan. And you know what? I agree with her. Totally.

Its not a loan. He needed to say that. He knows he's not gonna pay me back. Its his way of saying "You're making money now. You should be paying to stay here."

I totally should be paying to stay there but don't say the words 'loan' or 'borrow' without the intention of paying me back. I mean ... he 'borrowed' $250 from me and I never got it back. it hasn't even been brought up. I figure .... 'You know ... I could've been paying rent some place so its not a bad deal. Just give him the 'loan' and get the hell out.' I'm looking through the village voice right now. I need to get out of there by next week. I'm serious. I hate pretending and I'll have to 'pretend' that it doesn't burn me to give him that money.

He called me a while ago. He's in the city so he might pass by here to pick up the money. I mean ... what the hell is that? I was gonna give it to him when I got home. Home .... HA!! He must be really desperate.

I guess it worked out for a good cuz Norm's taking the apartment hunt more seriously now.

I feel like shit though. Bryan upset me. Kat upset me. I need a haircut. I need new contacts. I need new glasses. I need a frickin house. I need a LIFE!!

I'm trying not to let all this shit get to me and stay focused. Its hard though.