I'm feeling 'peachey' right now. Feeling 'peachey' and I have a zit. I rarely do so this pisses me off. Especially if I'm going out tonight. Tom should be in the city by 6:30 or so. It should be pretty cool. I can't wait to see his artwork. He scanned and showed me this water color he did and ... wow. Really makes me want to go out and buy a canvas. I seriously want to do that. Just get a canvas and some acrylics. Not water colors. Nice acrylics and brushes. I mean ... I have brushes actually. And I have water colors. But I'm dead scared to try. Seriously.

I'll want my painting to be perfect. The first time. Screw 'practicing'. It has to be a Van Gogh or ... I'll be pissed. But of course seeing that I've only done water colors a couple times in highschool ... there's no way that'll happen. Unless I have some hidden talent. I'll just take the brush and the next thing, I'm on the cover of Time Life.

If I'm in a class ... it's different. Maybe because you're not expected to be perfect the first time. But if I try it on my own ... I'll tear my work apart before I even pick up the stupid brush.

So ... this is what I'll do...

Buy a painting canvas.
Buy acrylics and maybe new brushes. Maybe one of those cool Chinese (Sumi?) brush. I so want one. But again ... scared.
Anyway ... get stuff.
Come home and assault the canvas with my paint and brushes.

Just slap paint everywhere. Messy. I'll need to lay newspaper on my floor. Listen to some Smashing Pumpkins or something. Music I'd want to fuck to I guess. Because that's what would happen. The canvas and I would be fucking. Letting everything go. No sort of order. Total chaos. Not being scared anymore. Invoking Van Gogh. And after all the wet mess and heavy breathing and maybe tears ... I'd open my eyes and see everything differently.