I'm extremely irritable today. I'm hoping it wears off a little or completely when I get to Connecticut. I'm on the train right now waiting to leave the station. I have a feeling Eric might be on this very train. It's usually around the time he heads home to Stamford. I'd actually love to run into him, 'just because'.

The cause of this recent spiral into grumpiness is a little unclear. I know it has something to do with being so fuckin' broke all the time. It almost always has something to do with that. I've been despising people today though. Beautiful people. Rolling my eyes at every attractive person I see. Feeling left out, self-centered and spoiled. I was also very irritated that Gary wasn't answering his phone when I called him much earlier. I suddenly felt he never answers it when I call. It's always frickin' turned off. He's always unreachable, I'm always accessible. I hate how I feel and who I am right now. I hate my life.

The weekend was good, though it ended in a bizarre way and a headache. I have got to stop getting naked with groups of people. Maybe I just need to know when to say when and go home. At least now I know the answer to the question: "Can five people fit in a standard-sized bathtub?" Yes. Yes, they can. How do I get into these situations anyway? How did I meet these people?

Maybe the veil's been pulled back just a little too much for now. I was definitely more a spectator than a player this time. Looking on as a single bar of Ivory soap was passed around and barely slid along on skin. A different cast than before and different end ratio, 3 guys : 2 girls. Giggles every now and then added to the noise of water. Tea candles flickered and steam rose. Everyone beautiful, naughty, clean and flawless, except for me, I thought. Maybe that's what carried over into today.