My eyes hurt. I'm tired. I'll probably go to bed early tonight. Mark and Laura just got home. I'm totally not in the mood to smell pot tonight.

Husani's apparently moved to Maryland. He plans to stay there for six months. I emailed Sascha today after calling Husani a few times over the past week and not hearing from him. I don't know how I feel about that. Blah! Fuck that! I do know how I feel. I feel hurt. I don't even care that he didn't call me back when I left a message inviting him to hang out on my birthday. I know he has a lot to deal with but he could've at least called and said he was moving. Six months?! I thought I was supposed to be his best friend. I wouldn't even go to Connecticut for a week without telling him. I just hope he's ok and I hope he gets in touch with me sooner or later. I think it's just a little insane.

Last night after the writing group I had my first real celebrtiy sighting. David Cross. It was surreal. He's not huge or anything but the fact that I saw him and he's been in movies and had his own show made it a very very big deal for me. I was with one of the girls from the group. We had just left Barnes & Noble (66th and Broadway, walked to the subway and there he was. Just standing there talking to some chick. I couldn't believe it.

"That guy," I whispered to my writing friend. "Isn't that David from 'Mr. Show with Bob & David'?"

"Which guy?"

"D'oh! Him! Right there!"

"David Cross. You're right!"

And after going through the turnstile, I was less than ten feet away from him. I wanted to grab him. I wanted to ask him for his autograph. I wanted to ask him the stupid "Aren't you David Cross?" question. We got on the same car and I stood across from him, rudely staring. He looked over at me a few times and then got up to check the subway map that was right next to me. Schoolgirl syndrome took over and I was grinning and giggling to the girl I was with. She reached out and touched him as he headed back to his seat and said, "I love 'Mr Show'." All I could do was smile and nod and say "Me too!" Pathetic. He smiled at us and said thanks.

Gary's supposed to come over tomorrow night after some meeting he has in the city. He's also bringing whatever he got in exchange for the sweater he bought me for my birthday. I have no idea what it is and he's not telling. Something's been bothering me though. We fool around. A lot. But he's never come.

-Orgasms-

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Not that I'm keeping track or anything. He gets hard. He just doesn't ....and it's a little frustrating. I've asked him if it's me. He said it's not. But it must be. I've never had that happen and I don't know how to handle it. Other than keep myself now from reaching orgasm and then masturbating like a fiend when he's not around. I mean ... a fiend! The whole thing's making me very sexually frustrated and I've been jerking off like pretty much every day. He said he's usually shy around someone at first. At first I was pushy about having intercourse and while fooling around I'd whisper in his ear how badly I want him to fuck me. But he mentioned once that when I do that he's thinking "I want to!" and it frustrates him. And that's another problem. Gary's a little bit bigger than average. I'd be just fine with making out and mutual masturbation. Mutual!