Today was ok. I feel invisible though. Seriously invisible. Not even really alone ... just invisible. Add that with still feeling weak from being sick the other night. Circles ... circles ... circles .... Everything in circles. I feel fine ... I feel sad ... I feel fine.

Y'know what I realized? I'll probably never be 'New York pretty'. There's like 'pretty' and then 'New York pretty'. I think the city's a lot about image. That's why they have gyms that are open really late. Going to the gym and shopping. Shopping for clothes for that perfect New York body. Amber said once that it can be a lot of pressure living in the city and she's right. When you walk down the street ... everybody just has this look. Clothing stores, gyms and coffee shops. They make up New York City. That's why there's a GAP, Equinox and Starbucks on almost every frickin corner.

How do you stand out in a city like this? There are probably thousands of people here who look just like me. Or ... are better at looking like me ... than ... well .. me. They just have the look. Maybe only true New Yorkers have that look. And ... they say it takes seven years for outsiders ... like me ... to be a 'true New Yorker'.