I don't have to share him. The Ross man. I don't have to share him with anyone. It's weird and nice. Part of me wants to eagerly say, "My boyfriend, Ross" ... but another part's not sure if that's his title already. All so weird and new for me. I like this whole feeling thing going on. Thinking about his smile and smiling. Thinking about his nose rubbing against mine and smiling. Just thinking and smiling.

Blah.

I'm turning into one of those people I hate. But I can't help it. It's like ... now it's ok to think about it. I did before but I didn't really want to because we already decided it was a bad idea to date. It didn't stop me from whining to Husani and Rudy though. But now ... now it's ok to feel. And feel ... I do. I wish I had a video camera taped to my forehead last night while we were talking. That look on his face. That serious/strong/sweet/sincere look. Right in his eyes. And I don't have to share him. He's not married. He doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend or both. And I don't think he'll leave for a Chelsea boy any time soon.

He's told his co-workers about me and they're anxious to meet me. Weird and new. I've never had that before. And the anticipation. Wanting to just see him again and knowing it's not one-sided. We're supposed to do something on Sunday.

I spent pretty much all day in bed. They still haven't fixed the radiator. I ate chocolate chip cookies and drank grape juice. I tried to clear more space on my computer. Edited a couple web pages for Eric and uploaded them. I'm supposed to see him on Monday. My laptop keeps crashing. I don't know if it's the RealOne upgrade I did earlier this week or what. It keeps conflicting with my WinAmp, even though I swear I had the proper selections. It's annoying. I had sesame chicken for dinner. I think I'm gonna start cooking. Maybe take a class or something. Can't be that hard, right? When I look at my Pathmark receipts .... it's pathetic.

I realized today that I'll be in Connecticut for New Year's eve. I can't be! I don't want to spend it with the cat. And that's another thing, if I'm in Greenwich looking after Amber's cat ... who'll feed Tera and Relm? So, of course ... I have to carry them and lock them in a room. I'm already dreading going up there. Not because I don't want to. But ... I'll be there for a week. A week means ... I'll need a good amount of clothes. Not just a pair of jeans and seven different t-shirts. I need choices. Shoe. I have to carry my laptop and now, Tera and Relm. And I have to drag all this stuff from Jersey, into the city. And not just to Grand Central. I have to get to Eric's office and hang around there until he leaves from work.

This won't work.