Yes ... the patterns are very much real. The cute bartender didn't say yes ... and he didn't say no. In fact ... he didn't say anything at all. Why? Because I never asked. Soon after that entry ... I showered and went into the city.

First sign that my night was doomed ... I'm on the bus and we just got out of the Lincoln Tunnel in New York and I realized ... I forgot my Metrocard. It was an all day fun-pass. I couldn't believe that with everything else I had on me ... I forgot that. I was pissed. I said 'screw it' and bought a new one and went over to Union Square to Husani's office. I needed that last bit of support.

I hung out there for like 2 seconds. Husani walked me out to take a cigarette break and find out what my plan of attack was. I didn't feel nervous anymore. I think I was nervous more to the fact that I'd be alone and I hate being in a place like that alone.

The trains were running totally slow. After waiting for like 20 at Times Square for the 1 or 9 I again said 'screw it' and decided to take the E instead. I wait ... I wait ... then wait some more. I pace ... I stretch. I look at people and make up stories about what they might be thinking or saying to whoever they were talking too.

I wait some more. I look to my right and ....

Second sign that my night was doomed. I saw the cute waiter. Right there in the 42 street subway I saw him. He smiled and said hi. I wasn't sure it was him at first so I was just gawking like an idiot.

"Wait ... if he's here ... does that mean he's going to work?" I thought. "Or does seeing him here now mean he's not working tonight?"

I made it a point to not even look over to where he might be standing. I started thinking that it would seem weird if we both got off at the same stop and I'm walking behind him all the way to the bar.

More waiting until this construction worker said that all trains are running on the other side of the platform. Everyone moved over. Again I made it a point not to look in the area where Murray could possibly be standing. A part of me wanted to go home right then. Maybe I should've.

I ended up taking the A train to 14th street and walked the few blocks over to the bar. Thursday nights are usually big nights so there were a good crowd there. The bouncer asked me for ID before letting me in.

"November. Cool. A scorpio," he said.

"Yup."

"Me too," he smiled.

I felt all sweaty so I headed right to the bathroom to wash my face. I walked back upstairs and who should walk in just then but Murray. It was him in the subway. I went outside and called Husani to update him.

"What am I doing?" I thought after I hung up from Husani.

I walked back inside and there it was. That smile. Murray. He was heading out. I didn't know if he was coming back or not but I ordered a rum and coke anyway. I sat on the couch and thumbed through a magazine.

I spent most of the night talking to the bouncer and watching a couple make out. I left after maybe an hour ... around 1 or so.

"Y'know ... it wasn't so bad. At least I didn't make a total fool of myself," I thought. "I took the chance. The chance that he could've been there. That he could've said no."

I sat on the bus thinking of how much the whole night was so 'me'. That the night was just threaded with patterns. There was this guy on the bus who kept yelling "Let's go!" when the driver was trying to cram another couple people on. The guy sitting next to me looked over at me and joked that there's never a dull moment on these buses.

"I once saw a fight break out," he said.

We both laughed. Then I looked out the window and watched the hookers pacing the sidewalk. The Johns pulling up in their cars next to them.

"Is sex that important to them?" I wondered.