He doesn't exist. The guy I keep thinking I might meet? Doesn't exist. Y'know ... the one who's pretty sweet, makes me laugh, does stupid little things to let me know he thinks about me. The one who will actually be satisfied enough with me not to stray. Yah, that same guy who'll suffer through a movie once because it's one that I want to see. The guy who'll argue about something he really believes in, stay up all night telling me things he wouldn't tell anyone else, rush after me if I walk away (even if he was watching TV), have a fire escape and make waffles in the mornings.

Uh ... not even close.

I'm tired. In so many ways right now. So ... many ... ways. The solitude was brought on mainly after hearing earlier today that I'm officially illegally in the country. Buuut at the same time, I'm not. It's all so screwed up and complicated. Yet simple. It's just ... it's just dumb. It's so stupid! Norm's writing a letter to immigration. So it's not like I'll get deported. Not right now anyway. I have to get into some school in order to stay. That's what I'm hearing. So I have to research art schools.

Something about hearing that I'm illegal immigrant didn't put me in a great mood. That pretty much set the course for the rest of the day. I felt sorta spaced out. Then I realized that I have nothing really making me stay here. The friends I do have, I can email. I'm not in any sort of relationship. I guess in a way, that's a good thing.

I was at Eric's office pretty much all day. We worked out some last-minute changes to his site. I weighed myself while I was there. 115 pounds. Meaning I've lost weight. Left there around 4 and went downtown. Union Square. Husani wasn't at the office so I dropped by Petco, got a new nest and some snacks for Tera and Relm. It took much longer than usual to get home. Traffic was hell.