I feel strange and ill. Y'know that sense of impending doom? That. But I know why. It's this rent thing. I hate that my rent isn't paid on time. I hate that I don't have control of that. I hate that I don't have any control. I'm trying not to think about it.

Yesterday was nice and at the same time frustrating. Soon after my last entry, I called Norm's cell phone. She didn't answer so I left a message. She called back and asked if would be in the city. I explained that the average cost per visit is eight dollars and I just don't have that money to spend unless I really have to. There have been countless times where Eric asks me to come in to help with work, I do and then something goes wrong, or he needs to use his computer and I don't get anything done. I've explained that to her before but she expressed genuine shock, which of course means what I feel is correct ...she doesn't listen to me.

I went straight for her apartment when I got into the city. She wasn't there. I was late ... as usual. I'd started reading J.D. Salinger's 'Nine Stories' on the bus, so I started reading as I headed back to the subway. Just a block from Norm's building, I heard someone call my name. When someone calls my name, I know that they mean only me. My name isn't common. Most times I wish it were. I turned and it was Norm leaning her head out from a nail salon. I went in and made notes of stuff she needed done. Left there and went downtown to Eric's office. Most of the afternoon was spent joking around, checking my email and staring dreamily at hardware.