I'm on the Upper Eastside. At Aaron's. I came in last night. At first we thought that buses were running into the city. I threw some clothes and my laptop in my pack and went out. I asked the guy at the corner store and he said the buses weren't running. Not into the city anyway. I'm getting a cold ... so I took some Nyquil and was feeling totally groggy.

Buses were only going to the ferry. Aaron was expecting me to be at Port Authority. I couldn't get him. Phones are still weird sometimes but I took the ferry anyway. I felt completely stressed. You can smell the smoke a little on the dock in Jersey and of course ... even stronger in Midtown.

Military jeeps and personnel walking around. Roadblocks. Cops on every corner. Still seems like something out of a movie. I had to walk from the Midtown ferry over to Port Authority. I wasn't sure what to expect but ... I didn't expect the city to look the way it did. Port Authority bordered with police tape. Several officers guarding. I managed to find a working phone, called Aaron and told him where I was. He was in the Village and didn't take long coming to get me. We went to Big Cup ... people outside with candles, holding a vigil.

Crazy thing is ... when I got out the car ... someone dropped their candle and it set the papercup it was held in ... on fire. Small fire but as I stomped it out ... my eyes watered.

"You ok?" Aaron asked.

I sighed.

We had cold coffees. Sat and drank while talking. In an 'only Wingd moment' ... I ran into the two Australian guys I met when Brian visited. I couldn't believe they were still here.

Even though the Nyquil had knocked me out earlier (I was waiting on the 'ok' from Aaron to leave home. Woke up like 20 minutes later with a bunch of IM's on my screen) ... I was still drowsy.

"Let's go," I sighed.

And we did. We drove around for a little bit. Aaron pointed out the high security outside his office building. Unbelievable. We came back to the apartment and watched TV on the couch. He held me and ... I felt safe. I took some more Nyquil and we went to bed soon after.

I woke up a few times. I think I was shaking. Or Aaron was. I'm not even sure. Like a spasm. I know I was seeing images of from the news in my head so it could've been me. I dunno. He held me closer and kissed my forehead. Then my neck. Then my lips. I felt sad ... and scared ... and still happy ... and safe all at once. He ran his fingers under my tee and kissed me deeper. My fingers ran over his back. Bare skin. We rolled and he was on top of me. My legs parted and he settled between. Kissing deeper. In the dark. I sighed and moaned and he wrapped his arms around me even tighter. His hands ran up my thighs and started slipping up my boxers. My rans ran over his lower back, forcing his waistband a little over his butt. Kissing. Deeper. Heavier breathing. Then I stopped him.

I like him.

I like him ... but I know what I want. This is only our second time together. I just want to knos what's happening before we go beyond the point of no return. I was surprised though, at the control. The control we both had.

We kissed a few times and then drifted off again until morning. He wasn't really supposed to be working today but got a call early in the morning. He was upset. I don't speak Hebrew ... but I could tell he wasn't happy. He showered, got ready and left.