It's not Ranger but sadness has a hold of me. Let's start at Thursday. I didn't do much. Worked on some stuff at home. Mark called in sick to stay in bed and watch bad TV with Laura. When he does stuff like that it makes me realize that humans never really grow up. "If anyone calls for me tell them I had to go to the drug store." Would they really fall for that if I told them? Really. So they were running in and out of the apartment all day. Torturing me with their giggling and play hitting (the hitting I especially hate). I had a headache pretty much the whole day and spent it pretty much in my room.

In the afternoon Husani asked if I was coming in because he was dead broke. Went into the city and hung out with him and Jami. Didn't get to see the Halloween parade. I left Husani and Jami at Chi-Chi's (which I swear smells like penis) around 3:30 but didn't get home until 6 because as usual, there were no buses to Jersey at that hour. They need to fix that. I spent a couple hours at Easy Everything. Suffering while this guy with headphones on a section over from me belted out Britney Spears songs. I wanted to hurt him. People get so loud and obnoxious there at that hour. Only reason I went there was because it's warm and I guess computers keep me awake.

I bought a shirt Thursday night. A perfect shirt from H&M. Blue and white stripes and awesome white cuffs. I got it not only because it's an awesome shirt, I also got it in case I actually was invited to Amber and Eric's wedding and I had to haul ass to Connecticut. I wasn't invited. I found out for sure yesterday. There was no mistake. No invitation lost in the mail. At first I wasn't going to say anything but I called Eric about some banners I had to finish working on but he skipped over that part in the script that reads something like 'Eric: I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to send you a wedding invitation but you know you have to come. You'll come up and spend Saturday night unless you want to ask Kim to give you a ride.' I bitched to Gary and whoever else was available on my buddy lists then called Eric back and told him how I felt. Normally I'm not the type to even say anything. I couldn't just let it go though.

He said he had a feeling I was hurt. No shit, eh. He said something about family issues I didn't know about. I have no idea what they could be. They don't like black people? They don't like gay people? They don't like black gay people? He wanted to call me back later and explain. I left home before he did.

I hung out with Ariel. It was really nice. Dragged her across midtown, uptown and then downtown. I had a CD for Mark to drop off before Ariel and I went on our way. He told us about a Sigur Ros concert at the Beacon and that we should definitely get tickets. Dinner at Ollie's and then we made our way to the Beacon to see if we could get tickets. Mark had some guy call us to maybe go to see Sigur Ros together. I thought that was pretty weird. Ariel and I were still sitting in Ollie's when her phone rang and someone asked for me.

"Mark said he thinks we should go together," he explained.

"Does he now."

Well we didn't get to go. Ariel and I waited in line for like 20 minutes before they announced that they didn't have anymore tickets. I was pissed and relieved at the same time. I really really wanted to see Sigur Ros but at the same time, I only had 50 bucks on me and it has to last until Tuesday. I felt bad for making Ariel wait there in the cold with me though. And I felt bad for making her do all the walking we did. I love walking and sometimes I guess I selfishly think everyone does as well. The night ended with us sitting in the Union Square Barnes & Noble talking and looking out the window until we walked over to Cosi and she caught a bus from there.

I swear she's back in my life just when I need her. She really is. I still can't get over how awesome it is that we get to hang out all these years after and we're closer than ever. Someone with that much light will make whoever she ends up with very happy. They just better appreciate her. And I know she'll end up with someone awesome. While walking to Ollie's earlier last night we were talking about guys and she said she's impatient. That she has so much love to give. And she so does. She really does. And I connect with her so well because we feel a lot of the same things. We both admitted that we pretend not to look since love has a way of happening when you don't look for it.

I came home and downloaded some music and Jackass episodes until I fell asleep probably around 3am. I did so in my glasses and surprisingly didn't break them. I woke up around 8, took my glasses off and went back to sleep. i dreamt though I don't remember anything. I just know there's dream residue. The Ranger clone's been with me since I woke up. I don't know if it's just the wedding thing or that pre-birthday shittiness I fall into. My birthday's exactly next week and at first I looking forward to it, spending time with Gary and friends. But now I don't care about it. And I'm sort of prepping myself for the usual shitty day I have every November 9th. Good thing is it falls on a Saturday this year at least I won't have to be up early for work.

I have no idea when I'll actually get to see Gary and that bothers me too. I know he can't help it and sometimes goes out of his way driving down here to spend a few hours together at least but I miss him. Sometimes I feel maybe this is karma biting me in the ass. I didn't make time for Ross and now I'm seeing someone with an insane work schedule. What goes around comes around.