Ugh, I'm straining. I seriously don't want to write about what I really want to write about just yet. Especially here. I can't do it here. So ...I'll have to think of something else. The 'Sopranos'! Yeah. Last night's episode was fucked up! I can't believe Tony killed Ralphie. And the way it happened. Wow. That had to be one of he coolest fight scenes I've seen in a while. The way it was done. Perfection.

Y'know, I really like this. I like being in this little writing group. Doesn't even have to be a group really. The last time when it was just me and Zack, it was still cool. I'm hardly a writer but I do enjoy doing it for myself. I've said it before that I really only write for myself. My journal just happens to be online and people just happen to read it. Still, I update it when I want to, I write what and when I want to. And honestly, the only things I hold back with are exact locations when it's work related. If I think someone I know who reads it is an ass, I tell them and then write about it. Or at least tell them before I publish it.

Lately I think my journal's been getting too popular though. I feel maybe I'll either lock it or stop posting online after a while. I look at the Google search strings sometimes and I'm in the top ten results. I don't like that. Especially for some of the trivial things people search for and find me. I don't even know why they click on my link anyway. And then there are the people who found me in some simple search and read lots of pages. I always say that people who do that creep me out. Mainly because there's nothing in my journal worth reading so many pages over. And then sometimes I fear someone who knows my family discovering who I really am by the little clues I leave in my entries. Someone who knows I moved to New York and will find me while playing a game of Russian Roulette Google-style.

I've asked a couple people I linked recently not to link back to me. But of course there are dozens of people I don't know who has. I mean, in reality I can deal with my mom finding my journal. Clearly the second I learn of this I'd lock the site. But it's the way I see it happening. Someone would tell her about it. People always seemed to tell her things. I was constantly under surveillance by people on the island. Seriously. I don't know how they did it. I don't know how they managed to work into a conversation with my mom or grandparents who they saw me walking with earlier in the afternoon. How and why?! And they always seemed to do it in a malicious way.

"I saw Angel Boi earlier and he was with that guy. You know the one. The guy who has a penis shrine in his backyard and even though he's been accused of kidnapping pretty, young boys no charges have been filed yet. I hope Angel Boi is careful and doesn't go anywhere alone when he's with him," I imagine them saying something like that to my mom.

When I got home my mom was always able to give me a report of almost everything I did that day. She probably could've told me how many times I chewed my sandwich too and if I held my soda bottle with the label away from my palm or not. So I see someone giving my mom the URL to my journal but the URL to say ....the entry about losing my virginity or something like that.