Ugh *slumps on the couch*. I'm tired. A little sad too .... but more tired.

Where do I even start? Oh yeah ... when I got to Queens. I people-watched and played my Gameboy pretty much the whole way. Playing it though made me drowsy for some reason. I always get drowsy if I play it or read on the train. Its like the motion of the train blurs the words in the book or the screen of my Gameboy.

I called Bryan from the subway. He said he'd be there to pick me up in 10 minutes. That I should wait on some corner. One I had to walk to. Reason #1 to be pissed off.

10 minutes ....

15 minutes ....

No Bryan.

I'm standing there in the cold starting to feel like a frickin hooker. Guys staring a little as they slow down and stop for the red light. I rubbed lip balm on my lips and when I inhaled and then boxed my lips .... Vanilla. That's what I tasted. Mixed with the cinnamon Trident I was chewing ... I tasted vanilla. And it stuck in my head for some reason. And as weird as it sounds .... I forgot that I was waiting ..... forgot how miserable I felt and just focused on how cool it was that the Vaseline that I squeezed from that little tube and my cinnamon gum made vanilla on my lips.

The-e-e-e-e-e-n I snapped out of it and was pissed again. I had walked a few blocks to wait there and I hate waiting *eyes flare*. Then all these thoughts started flooding in. Thinking about the way he thought he could just do whatever he wanted. Have me haul ass to Queens. Have me wait like that. It just sorta ran into this long train of thought and before I knew it ... I was looking at where I was. Waiting there ... and where I am in my life. I had exactly $10.56, my Metrocard and my MetroNorth ticket back to White Plains. I started focusing too long on it and my features began to fall.

I thought about the fact that I didn't have an apartment yet. That I still had depend on people for trainfare. I hate it. I hate depending like that. And I'm no more independent now than I was a year ago when my mom controlled everything I did. I felt like a huge loser. I still do.

"I'll call him and I swear ... if he doesn't fucking show up in 5 minutes I'm going back home. I'll call him from home and just tell him that I didn't have time for his shit," I thought.

I walked back towards the subway. There was a payphone on the corner. It ate my first quarter but I got through with the second one. For some reason I was so pissed I didn't think to call his cell. I called the office. The guy who answered said neither Bryan or Ted was there. I pretty much chomped his head off. He was on the urge of scolding me. Telling me that I should've just waited where Bryan had told me.

"Yeah ... well '10 minutes' was 2 hours ago ok?"

I'm not a mean person and I'm usually pretty nice. I've only yelled at someone once in my lifetime. I was just so pissed. And .. and sad. And I was getting a little cold. I felt .... shitty. I really did. Then when I was getting ready to cross the street to head on to the subway ... Bryan pulled up. I growled at him. He said I was waiting in the wrong place, that he meant the intersection at the subway. I was still pissed and I really just wanted to go home.

I get to the office and they still have to work stuff out!. Reason #2 to be pissed. Anyway ... I get some work done and I'm totally tired. I didn't leave there until around 5. Ted dropped me at the subway. I'm always lucky enough to catch a Metro North train that leaves pretty soon. I never have to wait that long. When I got to Grand Central and checked the itinerary there was a train leaving in 3 minutes. I did the 'tourist shuffle' and rushed to the track.