So I came home to a moving ball of black fur coming toward me. Apparently .... we're kitty-sitting again. After putting down my pack, I played with him for a while. I even let him play with my ... *goes cross-eyed* .... vibrating hamster. Then he started being his psychotic self and when he went out of my room ... I closed my door.

My day was pretty laid back. Wait ... maybe I should start from last night. Last night was weird. Last night I found myself back in a place ... physically and emotionally ... I was in months ago before I moved to Jersey. I slept over in White Plains. So ... I could go to church in Hartsdale the next day (today). Good concept. So ... what does Angelboi do while in in White Plains? Manages to have Victor message him online and then pick him up later.

We went back to his place and without being on the couch for 2 seconds ... we were all over each other. And then he did something that took him out of my 'Jerks to stay away from' book. We were making out ... I was sorta straddling his lap and he picked me up. The way we were. He just picked me up ... my arms still around his neck and carried me to his bedroom. I felt secure. I'd lie if i said the sex wasn't good. it was. He was a lot more passionate than he was the first time. He redeemed himself. We talked a good bit on the drive back to White Plains. No fighting. In fact ... I found myself ... laughing a lot around him. I saw him in a whole different light and now ... I don't think I want to sleep with him again. I dunno ... either don't want to ... or I don't need to. I dunno. I mean ... this was only my third time. And after ... it was more like 'well that was nice but I wish it was with some one I really care about.' I seriously don't know how people just jump from bed to bed, stranger to stranger and not feel weird. I was glad that he wasn't a 'new' guy. Just more like ... the 1st turned 3rd. And I'm also glad I'm still way down in single digits and I know the first and last names of both guy's I've had sex with.

When I got back to White Plains and got online...

"Angelboi"

... was the first thing I saw. It was Aaron. And then I started to question if I cheated on him. But ... I mean ... we're not dating. Blah. I just felt weird when he did that. Plus he was having a crummy day and there I was ... sitting in post-orgasmic bliss. I felt selfish. We talked for a while. I miss him already. What's going on with us though? I'm scared to ask. And yet ... I sorta have to know if we're just friends ... or friends who make out on the dance floor at Roxy.

My laptop was grateful to be in White Plains last night. White Plains = no cable modem. No cable modem = defrag and scan disk while I sleep since I wouldnt be downloading crap or leave AIM and Yahoo! Messenger open.

I had a weird dream last night. I met this guy who was a twin. Everything I want in a guy. But ... when he kissed me for the first time ... he make this weird noise and it irked me. Yes ... I just said 'irked'. That's what it did to me. And I thought I would've dumped him or something but I didn't. He was too cool. I hung out with him and his brother and his brother's girlfriend a lot. And I was happy. I felt it through the dream. Only indication of a dream was seeing a dog my grandparents had. They had to put him down a couple years ago because he was so old. He was there ... in the dream and he was young with the shiny black coat he used to have. And I hugged him and whispered that I missed him. I didn't want to wake up but I did ... a few minutes before my alarm went off.

I debated for a while whether or not I should bother goint to church. I didn't have any breakfast and I just felt like coming home. But then .... I remembered how much I'd actually miss going there. It's not like other churches I've been to. They just make you feel so welcomed. And a good few people there aren't even Adventists. I figured I'd go at least for the first part and then leave. I got Hartsdale. I haven't been anywhere else that's showing fall yet as well. I was early. I got to the church and there was one car in the parking lot. The woman in the car put her window down and basically told me I had a good half hour.

I went back to the station and got a latte at Starbucks. I sat on a park bench and sipped it. Slowly. It was so nice. Not just the latte but sitting there taking in the changing colors and people and vehicles. I finished my coffee and walked back to the church. It felt good to see familiar faces. The service was nice. No sermon. They talked about the terrorist attacks. Something I sorta hoped they wouldn't. It was nice though. Asking if it's judgement of God or not. I think like one person said something about judgement. Most saw it as the hatred in the hearts of the terrorists. Which is what I believe. I'm not one to say what God thinks but I know he gives us free will. The guy leading the talk made a very good point as well. 'Could God have stopped it? ... Of course.'

He could've had the plane suspending ... frozen in midair and in a flash ... everyone but the terrorists ... moved from the area. But ... I mean ... how would we see that? I'd probably be more afraid than I was when I saw the attack for the first time and went outside and saw the smoke. It would also show that we truly do not have free will.

That's just what I got from it. Free will. It's just ... so sad still. Everything. And even worse that people like Jerry Fallwell's running around. You're not God. Don't speak for Him.

After the service ... I shook hands with a few people I really really missed and walked to the train station. Watched people browse produce at the Farmer's Market. Wrote an entry on my Palm Pilot and caught the train. Soon after that I got home and was greeted by the black furball.