".... to think I loved the guy." I've read it a few times. The letters typed out there in Danny's diary. I think about it and think back to when we first met. Then I go back to his diary and read it again. In way ... I guess thinking that what I saw was wrong ... or I read it the wrong way or something.

I mean .. when does it stop? The love. When does it stop? When can you actually hate someone you once loved? A month after you break up? Six months? A year? When? And when do I start feeling it? All I feel is hurt. I do. I can't hate him. No matter how much I feel I want to ... or should. When I said I cared about him .. I meant it. I still do.

I've felt like this before though. I'm a little more prepared now. It was this guy I was crazy over. Toni. He was 'straight', 21. I was only like ... 17. I called him one day at work. That wasn't anything new but this day his buddies were giving him a hard time.

I swear ... when he barked the words "Don't call me again!" over the phone ... I went into shock. I did. My eyes went wide and I couldn't speak if my life depended on it.

"What?" I finally muttered with a loud smile.

I didn't know what to think. Y'know how your stomach does that flippy thing? Like you swear you're gonna throw up even though you don't really feel exactly 'sick'? It was just like that. And its that same feeling when I read Danny's diary.